Pain Is Political, Not Personal, Anymore.

Pain. It seems like this topic should be simple to talk about, but pain is complicated. Pain is so far reaching; I barely knew how to format this piece of writing. Maybe because pain isn’t quantifiable in any traditional way. How can you diagnose something you can’t see? How can you treat something that isn’t tangible? How do you heal what seemingly isn’t broken?

I can’t possibly write about every school of thought, stance, opinion, or circumstance with respect to opioids, the war on opioids, or how it affects people in deeply personal ways, all in one, short piece of writing. There are too many avenues, too many roads that diverge into far too many topics that contain too many viewpoints, history, and information. The arguments are so strong because this situation is that complicated and pressing. I acknowledge every perspective and that they are all intertwined in this heavily deliberated subject. And they are all important.

I write today to express my standpoint. My voice. My point of view, shared by millions more in our country.

We feel cast aside.

We feel shamed.

We are scared.

We did nothing wrong.

We will be the causalities of this war and no one is thinking twice about that.

I have lived in persistent, chronic pain for 17 years. My body chemistry has physically changed to believe that pain is normal. I’ve gone through every test and every diagnostic procedure imaginable, and pursued every treatment available to me. I’ve repeated treatment options countless times hoping many of them will one day bring relief. I have adjusted my lifestyle countless times, changed my diet countless times, incorporated methods of healing from other cultures, pulled from all resources in Eastern and Western medicine and beyond.

I remain in constant pain, despite all my efforts. This abnormality is my normal, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

There are millions of people, in this country alone, who suffer from chronic pain everyday, just like me. Chronic pain conditions are notoriously misunderstood and misdiagnosed.

For 17 years, I have taken pain killers to help manage my pain. I don’t take them everyday. I don’t rely on them as a solution to a never-ending problem or view them as a cure. I take pain killers when I literally think about throwing myself into a wall because being unconscious is preferable to being in that much pain.

Yes, it is that extreme, because taking pain killers has never been a casual decision, for me or for my doctors (past and present) that prescribe them to me. Doctors shouldn’t prescribe pain killers unless they are absolutely, medically necessary and patients shouldn’t be reckless about taking them.

The uncomfortable truth that no one wants to talk about is some patients need pain killers to survive. Yes, need. This is not debatable. This is not politics. But myself and patients like me are severely punished in this war on opioid addiction. We are the people whose quality of life will suffer greatly, even though we have done nothing wrong and taken our medication as directed. We are the people who are constantly shamed, everyday, for this reality we live in and cannot change. And we are the last people that should apologize for needing this legitimate, medical treatment.

I recognize that in the 90s, the treatment for any form of ‘pain’ was pain killers, with little discretion. I understand the drug company’s endorsement of pain killers as a ‘safe’ treatment played a big role in the mess we are in today. But now the pendulum is swinging too far in the other direction.

I know addiction, to any substance, is dangerous and claims hundreds of thousands of lives every year. I have personally known many people who have suffered from addiction. I have suffered alongside them as they battled it, lost themselves to it, overcame it, or lost their lives to it. I know what addiction is capable of; The destruction, anger, havoc, loss and devastation it brings upon the addicted and their loved ones. Addiction needs to be taken seriously, treated seriously, and covered by insurance.  

But I do not deserve to be treated like a drug addict when I don’t abuse my medication.

Dependent is not addicted.

If I didn’t take pain killers, the only thing that would suffer would be my quality of life.

This does not make me an addict.

I’m familiar with the counter arguments to my above statements. I’ve heard them countless times:

1) Pain killers should not be a legitimate, medical treatment because prolonged use is not safe.
2) Pain killers are addictive.

3) More and more people die from opioid overdoes every year.

These counter arguments are not fair or justified for people living in chronic pain. These counter arguments do nothing except perpetuate a culture of shame surrounding chronic illness.

Most people living with chronic pain conditions already live with constant guilt about their circumstances. The shame and stigma I have encountered living with a chronic pain has driven me to hide it from the world. It is only recently I have begun to speak openly about the side of my life I never let anyone see. Early on, my honesty was met with hostility and rejection. People don’t understand what they cannot see.

I chose to live a life that includes more than being a professional patient, with 4 doctor appointments a month. But this choice comes with the price of being misunderstood even more. The daily physical and emotional struggles I have are enough. I don’t need government officials completely destroying the quality of life I have come to know with medication.

In an effort to save the lives of people who abuse prescription drugs or become addicted to illegal drugs, this “War on Opioids” is setting up a medical system that will only bring misery to patients who are not addicts and in genuine need of pain killers. My rights and my fellow chronic pain patient’s rights are on the line. Our treatment options should not be compromised because of drug addicts. When you live in constant, physical pain and you find something that provides you with any kind of relief, it cannot and should not be taken away.